All posts by JoRaye Lytle

Happy April Fucking Fools Day – 1 YEAR BITCHES!

HA!HA!It was pretty fuckin’ funny last year. Sitting there, crying, wondering what I had done to make everyone in the world hate me, because I felt something for a guy.Had I broke the golden rule? Had I fucked over a truly close friend? Nah. I admit, I felt pretty horrible and uncertain on April Fools Day, 2007. What a cruel joke the world had played on me.Now I know it was all worth it. There have been tears, and fights, and moments of uncertainty, but those were nothing compared to the good times, good laughs, awkward and amazing moments, the learning, the wow-factor, the awesomeness of gaining a new best friend and boyfriend in the process. He knows how I feel, I tell him everyday. We are doing awesome and I am totally happy. So yey. fawk the haters (lol) and love yo momma, bring no drama. Oh yeah, btw, our anniversary din-din at the Melting Pot – Wowzers. Yum Yum. That’s all I got.

Name that Cat!

Say you had a roommate, who had a cat. And this cat happened to be named Bacon. Say you were going to get a cat yourself. And you’d like to play on the Bacon name. What do you name this cat? Eggs? Cheeseburger? What the heck else goes with Bacon. I would name it Lettuce, but that would require getting a 3rd cat to name Tomato. Samantha and I don’t want to turn into crazy cat ladies with 3 cats. And I can’t name it LettuceTomato. I’d have to call it LT. And I can’t stomach that name. Heck. I don’t even really like cats. I’d rather have a dog. But I guess I am helping a friend. Soooooo… that cat!

Where da JoRaye at?

Well, well, well, where has our little JoRaye been? Don’t worry, I’m still alive. I’ve been working. Fending off the weird people I have to work with and their incessant desire to stare at my chest. Geez people – get a life. Has no one realized there are mornings I WONT shower and WONT wear makeup, just to get people to leave me alone? I came to work, not socialize, and I probably don’t need any more friends. I have been doing some interesting projects, which makes it worthwhile. – no new updates except for photos. I have no idea what to do with this site, except keep it chock full of photo goodness.

Ardmore – we are going to Ardmore for the weekend. I haven’t been home in almost a month. Todd is going with me so that’s going to be cool, but he also still hasn’t met my dad (has only met Mom and Granpap) so prepare for the fountain of Busch (also known as my Dad’s mouth) to be flowing…..good or bad? We shall see. Mom likes Todd, so I don’t think we’ll have any problems. Not sure what we’re going to do, but we’ll find something!

Samantha & JoRaye’s Homelessness Situation – Cassandra and Dan are getting married soon, so we’re going separate ways. Where do the SamJoJo clan go? Across the alley. Literally. We moved into a 2-bdrm version of our current place, and luckily, the garages are like, caddy corner from each other. I think we’re going to steal some shopping carts and use those to haul stuff across the alley. I plan on devising a rope & pulley system to lower all my stuff downstairs, since the new place will only be one story and I hate those stairs. Darned Lucky Charms.

Summer of 2007 – Not a whole lot planned. Lena’s wedding was amazing. Sandi’s wedding reception is next weekend, and I’m not sure who else is gonna spring it on us that they are married, engaged or pregnant now. Sam & I will be moving at the end of July, Todd’s looking for a house, and most of my friends have morphed into collective beings that involve their significant others. Yes, we have become like Siamese twins. It’s no longer, “Where’s Samantha and Bo? Todd & JoRaye?” We now collectively refer to them as Sambo. Then there’s ToJo (yes, ours doesn’t work AS well as Sambo) and of course, the original homogenous couple – Dasandra. The girls of what was once known as the “Panty Palace” have fallen into a fluffy pile of lovey-dovey-ness. Awww. We’re planning a trip to Playa del Carmen in the fall, which is stressful. Sambo, Tojo, and Mar-(insert boys name here.) LOL. There’s so much to choose from, and I’m the only person without a passport, so Monday, after I return from Ardmore with my certificate of birth, I’m hightailing it to somewhere to get my expedited passport (funny, since I don’t need it till September….but I still have to pay $60 more to rush it, since it might be late….) I had a paragraph here about my mother’s side of the family and about how much they suck, but I decided to remove it. I’ll just go enjoy a cold, refreshing, Miller High Life glass bottle. Yum. Driveway beer. Other than that – life is ok, except for my strange mood disorder. My friends, when I see them, are flipping awesome. Todd is awesome. I get to see my mom and dad this weekend. My dad got me a new car! (loan….dammit….) and I get to possibly go to the lake this weekend. All in all, good times…..good times.

Titty McDizzy, Cinco De Wha?

Well yes, this has been quite a weekend. The bags under my eyes won’t be full the Prada and Coach I hoped I would be getting in Vegas, all because I partied balls, shopped, and just had a fucking amazing, sleepless, drunken, and overall great weekend with my friends, boyfriend, and for a short time, Mom and Grandpap.
Wednesday – cause the weekend starts early around here…. Ha – I did nothing except sleep and got over Sinus Infection #3 of 2007.
Thursday Me and Sammy decided to do it big and unexpected and follow course on our normal Thursday night tradition – Bowling Alley – Bar #1 – Bar #2 – Todd’s House. This seems to be the best chain of events and usually works out well. It also, works alot better when we dress alike. I can’t find any pictures that have our full blown outfits in them, but we decided black wifebeaters and camo skirts were in style. It was even more of a surprise to show up and find Todd and Bo were wearing camo shorts. I’m not sure who sent out the camo memo, but someone read it. Honestly, this night became quite a blur after walking into Todd’s house. The last thing I remember is pulling my car into the driveway and not hitting anything, therefore, my brain shut down shortly after that. I made it to work, and that’s all that matters.
Friday Making it to work and actually working are two different things. I believe my sinus infection came back in full force, but also believe the smoke and alcohol contributed heavily to the fact that I had no voice whatsoever. Luckily, we were kind of slow, and they let me call audit instead of taking calls. Around 8:00, I start receiving text messages, asking what the hell I am talking about. I am confused, and look at my outgoing texts from the night before. At approximately 12:48am, this text was mass broadcasted to a large portion of my phone book: Ok, jorayes new name is Titty McDizzy I spent the morning trying to figure out WHAT I did to get this hilarious nickname. As of Monday night, there still really isn’t a explanation, except for Cpt Ron says he thought I said “blah blah Titty McDizzy blah blah” and says to me, with this shocked look “DID YOU JUST SAY TITTY MCDIZZY?!?!” and I said “No, I said, blah blah blah,” and he thought Titty McDizzy should be my new, perma-nickname from that point forward. Hence, the birth of Titty McDizzy, aka Tits McGee, when you are so drunk you can’t say Titty McDizzy. Friday night, my love Marie came up from Dallas to surprise me, but before we could meet up, there were other plans made, and I was pissed at my family situation, so I washed/vacuumed my car for a good hour and a half until I was so sweaty I couldn’t see straight. Came home, showered, and me, Marie, and Sam, (in semi-matching outfits, no doubt)
and we met Todd and Bo for much needed sushi and Sapporo at Okura.
And that's all we left....

The rest of the night was relatively calm…… I lost a quarter down my shirt.
There's a quarter down there!

I’m sure someone got the shocker that night, but it wasn’t me….

Sam and Marie display outstanding eye protection.

Marie then jumped on the back of Tim’s bike….

And the rest of us were forced to ride in the car….sigh.

(All of these broken images show to be located at  Once I turn off my redirects, I’ll need to see if this dir still exists.)

Went home….hung out, fell asleep. had to be at work at friggin 10 am. Sigh.

Saturday Saturday – had to work. That sucked, but only for 4 hours. Got off work, didn’t NEED to go to mall, I was in a bad mood because of family crap, and tried to be in such a horrible mood that I wouldn’t even WANT to be at the mall. And my health at this time, decides to mimic that of a crazy person, so my day was majorly sucking. After $60 worth of MAC and some mall sushi though, I rethought this day, and ended up spending about $100 on shirts at Gap and some Pumas at LFL. I went home, overall feeling good and bad, but at least I have makeup, shirts, and cute shoes. Anyways, it was decided since we didn’t have to be anywhere until 9 or so, and it was 4, that I should start getting ready. I had other plans. I wanted to bitch and moan about my new found pain-area and nap. I got yelled at for the next 4 hours to GET IN THE GOD DANGED SHOWER. Hey, we made it on time. Me, Jess, Marie and Kathy end up going to Lumpy’s to meet Todd and a crapload of his friends, to see his friends band play. I must say, I was worried at first this night was going to suck, but then the spirit of Cinco De Meaty overcame me, and I started forcing tequila down people’s throats, and shots were going down my throat, beer, beer and more beer, and 4 cameras, and well over $200 later (not me, but that’s adding mine and the other people’s tabs that I knew the amounts….) we were extremely drunk, 360 or so pictures deep, and headed out to get more beer. And that’s when Cinco de Meaty went Cinco de Freaky. There’s freaking 360 pictures. I’ll post the photo gallery soon. I promise it will be up tonight. NO LIES. I will do it. There was cock licking, hot tubbing, see-thru white panties, people falling off picnic tables, shrimp, titties, beer, titties, beer, my bra on alot of people’s head obviously, and god knows what else. It was priceless and amazingly fun.

Sunday Yesterday, Todd got to meet the Mom. I was seriously worried about this due to my mother’s (and father’s, and entire family’s, and entire friend circle, and people who aren’t even my friends…) dislike for the last guy. Luckily, my mother (and everyone else) is forgiving, and knew I wasn’t stupid enough to pick some THAT bad again. haha. And he got to meet the Granpap. Didn’t get to meet the Dad, he had to work all day, but overall, it went well. We went to Applebee’s and got horrendous service. I felt it was only necessary that my parents meet the guy whisking me off to Vegas to NOT get married. Dammit, if one more person tells me to NOT get married, I might just NOT get married. Geez, I’ve known the guy a very short time, and we’re going to gamble and get drunk, NOT get married. (Wait, I think that’s how Britney’s first marriage started….SHIT.) And now it’s Monday night. I’m on the couch. Somehow, between all that alcohol and non-sleep, everyone in our entourage got sick. So I am staying away from the Todd to boost our chances of both being amazingly great and healthy on Thursday when we fly out. I have 360 pictures from Cinco de Meaty Mayo Freaky ALONE to sort, rename and chronologicalize, so you guys at will have a great time going thru our night. Awwww.

The Life and Times of JoRaye K.

Alright, alright. I admit. I am a horrible person for leaving you guys blogless and clueless for almost a month. Please accept my apologies, as I have morphed into super-busy girl. And most of you want to know who the boy is. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that soon enough. After that April Fools blog, life took a strange and interesting turn for the better. Most of you know the story about someone who used to be an acquaintance, possibly a friend have you, but now a bacteria, that wanted to kick my ass for taking her “man”….hard to call someone your man, claim marriage proposals and name your future children when you’re a 2am’er, and have at least 2 other guys that you’re actively dating, one of which was a guy I used to date, and another potential one was her “man’s” friend…… Ok, enough trash talk. And yes, you are welcome to judge, say I’m getting seconds, say I’m a worthless bitch, I broke the golden rule, whatever. I did it. And me and the boy (his name’s Todd, but I like referring to him as “the boy”) are pretty damned happy I must say. I hate to put a keyboard to all of this, hence jinxing myself….but I’m pretty solid right now. As far as I know, and it seems to be pretty public knowledge, I am officially the girlfriend. I am getting used to saying the word “boyfriend” without throwing the words “mother f*cking worthless stupid f*cking lousy ass piece of garbage who can’t keep a job and cheats on me constantly” behind it. And I like it! Yes- he’s older. No, I don’t care. He’s not a stick boy – and I hate stick boys. He has a Harley. I’m terrified of motorcycles. Yes. This might be a problem. He has a job. (Wow. I didn’t know guys like this existed.) He loves sushi. Good one. I’ve already semi-girlified the bathroom (shhh, I don’t think I was supposed to spill that one.) I have yet to introduce to him to the parents. After that 4 year mistake with fuckhead, they are critical of anything that comes within 2 miles of me. I have already met his parents and sister, and they are awesome people. And about 3,000 of his friends. He likes my friends. My friends like him (At least I think they do….) That’s an awesome perk. I am leaving for Vegas May 10th, with the boy. By odd circumstances, we planned a trip to Vegas, with friends, and now, we’re the only ones going. It kinda came down to the fact that we needed to book it quick, no one was making any decisions, and we just did it. Don’t worry, I plan to come back with nothing on my left hand. Not ready for that one yet. So yes, I’ve been doing the girlfriend thing. Hence why the lack of blogs. Hence why the presence of JoRaye has been minimal. There, you have it. I will be in Ardmore this weekend to see my parents and friends, (Todd went to Talladega….) OKC the next one (and possibly down in Ardmore for a day to do some sort of early Mother’s Day thing with mom) and then off to Vegas for a weekend. Then possibly back down to Ardmore the next weekend to beg my mother into not hating me because I went to Vegas on Mother’s Day weekend. And yes, I am still losing weight. I started Phentermine February 8th, and so far I’ve lost a solid 20 pounds and I love it. I’m gonna do one more month, then take a month or so off, then get back on probably. Work – is work. I don’t know if anyone takes me seriously or not, but I’ve taken on 3 different projects within 2 weeks, in addition to my normal job duties, so I’m advertising my profitability. Also, I seem to have a problem falling down. I don’t think I’ve had a scabbed knee since I was like in 5th grade….and I scabbed my left knee up 3 times in one week last week. Maybe it was the excessive amount of beer. Maybe it was the purple croc skin heels I still haven’t broken in, or maybe it was the parking lot. Maybe it was Nicole’s dancing abilities. Maybe it was all 4. Who knows, but I still can’t wear a skirt until the scabbies go away. Did I mention that brake hardware fix I got from the Mazda dealership fixed Zoe’s squealing noise? Awesome. It’s 8pm on a Thursday. I didn’t go to bed until like 4am last night. I was up for work at 6:15am. I think I’m gonna pass out and not wake up until the morning. Much love bitches –